The Trail of a Team
by mollycoddle
Summary: -"My name is Uzumaki Naruto and I'm your sensei! I'm going to be the next Hokage too, so you better-it's Naruto-SENSEI you brats!" Couples DISCONTINUED
1. Hello, Our Names Are

_do not own Harry Potter OR Naruto_

**.**

**.**

**_The Trail of a Team_**

**.**

**.**

P R O L O G U E

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**.**

**T**he Great Hall was silent except for a few broken sobs throughout the room; Harry Potter and his friends just joined the group with the Weasleys, their own faces wet with salt.

"At least we have the mission done," whispered Hermione to his ear. "So it's okay, Harry, these people died to save themselves as well as the wizard world. Not just you. It's not all your fault."

Harry wished she stopped talking because this did _not_ make him feel better at all. "Yeah mate," broke out Ron, looking at his dead brother. "We came out bruised and scratched, but we're alive, you know." Ron put his hand on his mother's shoulder and she threw her arms around his neck.

Harry wished he would quit talking too. After all, his family was his haven when he needed escape. And now, his brother was dead.

Without warning, the Great Hall's doors flew open, a gust of wind entering. Harry whirled around, to see the strangest group of people he'd ever seen—they were clothed in the strangest clothes, and one of them had _pink_ hair.

Harry stared open-mouthed as the group walked in, everyone's attention on them for a change. The one with the pink hair smiled a secret smile and she sat down on the floor—just like that, breaking away from the impressive group.

The group then—without hesitation—went to each dead person, feeling their pulse, at the neck or the arm. The one with pink hair took something out, like a small first-aid kit. _That won't help_, he thought bitterly. _Is she a nut?_

But then he saw them clearly for a second, they were all wearing masks with animals: one with blond hair and Dumbledore-like eyes was wearing a fox mask that covered his upper face only, as all of the masks did.

Another with black hair the shape of a chicken's behind wore one with a serpent, one with dead eyes wore a wolf and the girl next to him wore a seal, then another girl next to him, one with the same dead eyes, wore a mask of a dog.

"Do you know," said the fox, "that they're staring at us?" he asked, looking straight at Harry.

"What was your first clue, pea-brain?" asked the pink-haired one, as she got a needle cleaned, "The eyes or the hanging mouths?"

"Well, the hanging mouths," he admitted. The fox then picked up Tonks's body and flew across the room to the Pink's little place. "She's alive, Swan, just out."

_Tonks is _alive_?_ Harry's heart thumped loudly.

"Good." The Pink then inserted something in her mouth, then a second later she checked her mouth again.

For about five minutes that what they did, bought dead people to the Pink and she would smile, then do something, and the people would stay dead.

"This one's alive." The one with the serpent mask knelt down to Fred, feeling the redhead's heartbeat. "A spell."

The Pink did everything Harry'd never seen. She gave some pills, others she inserted something through a shot, and then sometimes she just cut their arms or legs and sucked some blood out with a very strange little tube thing that looked like a pen.

"All done?" whispered the one with the dead eyes and the dog cover, "Swan?"

"Not yet. Help me, her life is slipping away."

Then she looked up, the Pink searched the room and they landed on Harry, he felt his body go rigid as he saw her eyes.

_Green._

She smiled, then mouthed, _Good job._

A second later she out down the last body of a man and she stood up, another gust of wind followed and they were no longer there.

_Who was she?_

_What were they doing?_

_Mommy, mommy, she took Zan's body away!_

_Wait! Look, they're moving!_

Harry jerked his head, sure enough Fred's head was up, his eyes dazed. "Wassupwitu?" he asked Harry, the first person he saw.

Harry could not quite answer.

**.**

**.**

**_A/N:_**

_Fox is Naruto_

_Swan is Sakura_

_Serpent is Sasuke_

_Seal is TenTen_

_Dog is Hinata_

_Wolf is Neji_


	2. U Naruto, H Sakura, U Sasuke

_I do not own HP or Naruto._

_

* * *

_

**The Trail of a Team  
**_U Naruto, H Sakura, U Sasuke_

_

* * *

_

"You, Team Kakashi, are going to become teachers. For wizards"

"...I thought I told Shizune-san to hide all the sake."

* * *

HOGWARTS SCHOOL  
_of_ WITCHCRAFT _and_ WIZARDRY

_Headmistress: Minerva McGonagall  
(Order of Merlin, fourth class, Extraordinary witch/year,  
Chf. Witch, Ministry/Magic Advisor)_

_Dear Mr. Harry James Potter,_

_We are pleased to inform that Hogwarts is open for the year once more. To ensure your education is completed, everyone is held back a grade._

_Attached to this form are the new school rules, necessary equipment, and the Hogwarts newest school clubs._

_Term begins Sep. 1, we await your owl no later than Aug. 20._

_Deputy Headmaster,  
__Flitwick_

_

* * *

_

Haruno Sakura sighed deeply, rubbing her temples and crossing her legs as she sat down on a bench. "Shishou says we should be ready in a few hours…"

"Sakura-chan," whined Naruto. "I'm too _young_ to be a Kakashi! Think about it—to have your own squad you have to be at _least_ twenty! I'm too _young_, I tell you! I'm eighteen and _damnit_, I have a life to live and a girl to fall in love with and jounin exams to pass and kids to raise and brag about and I could've _sworn_ I just said kids! So never mind that cuz I'll do that later and I can't do that if I'm a wrinkly old toa—"

"Dobe, shut up." Uchiha Sasuke grunted once. "The pay for the mission is good, and on top of it we get their teacher's salary. All we have to do is protect some guy named Potter Gary."

"It's Harry Potter, Sasuke-kun. In the other dimension they put their last names last."

Sasuke blinked. "Why would you do that? Your last name is your reputation."

"Reputation, honor, money, identity, all of that stuff…" Sakura shrugged. "Whatever. Anyway, we still have to act normal around them. And we shouldn't even complain much. I mean, our jobs aren't even book stuff, so Naruto won't die. On top of that, it's only a year-ish thing. September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, and May. Nine months. Not even their regular ten."

Sasuke snorted. "Even so," he muttered, "it's too much."

Naruto, who was quiet through their conversation, suddenly exhaled loudly. "Well, I guess we better get packing."

* * *

**Quidditch**

**_We are also pleased to inform you that you were  
chosen as the Gryffindor Quidditch captain. Tryouts are on Sep. 10._**

**_You can train your team, practice, and report whenever and however you want  
and no staff member is allowed to protest._**

**_However, if your entire team/minus one, deem you unworthy,  
you will be kicked out. _**

**_Captains can also bathe in the Prefect bathroom._**

**_Thank you,  
Flitwick _**

* * *

"Okay, so are we packed?"

"Ready."

"Hn."

"Good. Now, we received the information we need…term starts in five days, so we should already be there. Did you guys say goodbye to all of our friends? And teachers? Because we're going. Right now. Like, we're approaching the gates and people are waving goodbye from the security."

"I did!"

"Hn."

"Well, okay, good. Everything's good. We're packed, ready, going to get our wands, and _teaching two different subjects each_."

"Hn."

"And we're leaving, and we're exiting the gate, and look at that, the doors are closing."

"…Yeah, Sakura-chan."

"And oh God, what are we _thinking_? We can't teach this! We're _eighteen_ and holy shit we accepted and now we have to go, and protect some kid, and damnit, along we have to teach them about shonobi! _Shinobi_! Our secrets, our jetsus, and our very _cores_! _They could kill us all_!"

"...Hn."

"…Let's sit down for a while, Sakura-chan."


	3. and We Are Your New Teachers

_I do not own Naruto or Harry Potter_

_Thanks to h t t p :/ /w w w .h p - e n c y c l o p d i a .c o m / h o g w a r t s.p h p ? p a g e = r u l e s for the school rules. I just edited them a bit._

_**This chapter is dedicated to my older brother cuz he's freakin' awesome when he's not PMSing. Thanks for the books! MUHAHAHHAHA! I bet YOU don't have him as an older brother, and yes, I pity you **_**deeply**_**.**_

* * *

**The Trail of a Team  
**_and we are your new teachers_

**

* * *

**

"Thank God, you've finally made it—_welcome_ to Hogwarts!"

-wolf whistle-

* * *

**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry**

**Rules**

· First-year students are not allowed to have broomsticks

· Students cannot enter the Forbidden Forest

· Fighting is against school rules

· Students are not to use magic over the school holidays

· Students are to take the train to Hogwarts - _not a flying car_

· Students need a slip signed by teacher to take out books of the Restricted Section in the library

· Students should not steal potion ingredients from Snape's office - nor should they make dangerous potions,_ such as Polyjuice Potion_

· First and second-year students cannot visit Hogsmeade; third-year and older students need a signed permission slip to visit the village

· Argus Filch has a list of objects forbidden in the castle; it can be viewed in his office if anybody would like to check it

· Never use the Unforgivable Curses on a Muggle, witch, or wizard

· Love potions are against Hogwarts school rules

· Boys not allowed in girls' dormitories

· Only fifth-year and older students are allowed to be out in the corridors until nine o'clock

· Do not eat food in the library

· The Wizarding Examinations Authority sets rules for the OWLs and NEWTs, and all aids to magical cheating are forbidden

· Do not be out of bed after hours

· Always be respectful to your teachers

· Thieving is not tolerating at Hogwarts

· No dark magical objects are allowed in Hogwarts

**

* * *

**

Haruno Sakura paced around the classroom, her hands behind her, and her eyes narrowed. Uzumaki Naruto sighed before looking at Uchiha Sasuke, who was watching her as she muttered furiously to herself.

"Okay, so this is going to be difficult. But not to worry—we're freakin' _shinobi_, we can _do_ this! Yeah, okay, moving on. Sasuke, you teach them about the geography of the countries. Naruto, you teach them basic academy-worthy moves…like flips. And stuff. And I will teach them most of the history and how to contact us in case of an emergency. Okay, so that works. Um. Okay, so we got that over with. Okay. Monday and Tuesday Sasuke will teach, Wednesday and Thursday I will teach, and Friday Naruto teaches. Naruto, give them treats during those times. Okay…The first day, we all introduce ourselves and stuff, and then we get to schedule. Er, okay. After that it's simple—I teach Herbology, you, Sasuke, teach Potions, and Naruto teaches DADA. Okay. Okay. Deep breaths everyone—there is no need to be over-stressed."

"Sakura-ch—" began Naruto.

"_I said there is no need to be stressed Naruto_! We can _handle_ it! Just have some _faith_ in our _abilities_!"

"…Er. How do I teach them jetsus?"

"You don't."

"But that's no fun!" protested the blond.

"You can grade them however you want, even de-grade them if you dislike them, as long as no one knows."

"Yeah, okay, that's pretty cool, Sakura-chan. But what do I _teach_ them?" asked Naruto.

"Simple. Flips and stuff. During those times you can brag about what you did. Heck, you can give them the _bell test_." Sakura sighed. "I don't know…I guess I can check out a few things and get back to you later. But are we ready?"

"YEAH!"

"Hn."

* * *

**Clubs**

**1) Quidditch - Four teams (Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Hufflepuff)**

**2) Gobsters - The magical game of Muggle marbles! (Except the balls shoot liquid at you when you lose a point.)**

**3) Dueling Club - On hold. No teacher.**

**4) Wizard Chess Club - Captain, Jenkins Metk.**

**5) Golden Trio Fanclub - President, Leah Sanders**

**6) Gourmet Club - Head Chef, Dobby the House-Elf**

**

* * *

**

Harry Potter stepped into the Great Hall, his head high, his shoulders squared, and his two best friends in the world, at his side. Though he won't admit it to most, he was dead scared in what was going to happen.

"Hey, Harry's here!"

"Hey, mate!"

"Awesome move killing the dark lord, Potter!"

"How was your summer, Harry?"

Smiling slightly, rather forced, he sat down, talking to everyone who was practically shoving each other to him. "Hey, Harry," greeted Seamus, as he shoved away a Hufflepuff and sat down across him. "Did you see the newest racing broom? Guess what's it called."

"The Harrymobile?" guessed Hermione, rolling her eyes while speaking to Lavender and Parvati.

"The Harry 5000?" guessed Ron.

"No! The Golden Trio. Guess what else—the plaque on it, stating it's amzaingness? It—"

"Tells who it's dedicated to," interrupted a fifth-year Ravenclaw. "It has all of your names on it with _titles_. Like—"

"Harry the Leader, Hermione the Wise, and Ron the Courageous," a fourth-year Gryffindor chimed in.

"I like that." Ron grinned and brushed his hair away from his eyes. "Ron the Courageous. That suits me."

Laughing, Harry nodded. No one, he thought, seemed to care he hasn't gotten a word in at all. And oh damn, did someone just touch his hair?

"Please go back to your tables or I will put you all in detention."

Harry turned around—

To see a pretty girl, about as old as him, with rose-like pink hair cascading down her shoulders and to the middle of her back. Her eyes were much like his own, except a little faded. Her skin had a pale peach coloring and she was tall—about five-foot-eight, maybe five-foot-seven.

_She saved Fred_, he suddenly realized. "Did you hear me?" she snapped. "To your tables."

Next to him, Ron stared—not unlike everyone else, who were checking out her—

"Uhum," snarled Ginny, making Harry turn back around sheepishly.

"You can't put us in detention," sneered a Hufflepuff. "You're a _student_—not even a Prefect."

Rolling her eyes she sighed. "Name, house, and if you touch me like that again, you, I swear I'll break every bone in your body." She took out a pink slip and glared at the Hufflepuff. "The rest of you—_scram_."

Harry breathed. Thank you, he wanted to tell her. I can _breathe_.

"Professor Haruno, are these students bothering you?" Harry blinked—out of nowhere stood Professor Flitwick.

"Oh, thank _Kami-sama_. _You_ can give this boy a detention for showing disrespect. Excuse me, I have to go get the two idiots or they'll _never_ stop bickering." She, too, out of nowhere, disappeared.

* * *

_Dear Forehead,_

_I cannot BELIEVE you just left on a NINE MONTH mission! How could you? Does FRIENDSHIP mean NOTHING to YOU?_

_Whatever. _

_Send me back gifts and stuff. Oh, and here's a poisoned kunai Tenten sends cuz you left. Hinata sends her love and is now pestering the Hokage in making sure we see you once a week._

_Or something._

_Lots of poison,  
Ino_

* * *

"Welcome to another great school year!" shouted McGonagall, making every eye turn to her. "We are happy to say that we survived the war and are now safe! I now stepped up to be Headmistress and I hope to teach just as Dumbledore had. But first, I make a few announcements before we eat the food our house-elves made. Excuse me! Shh!

"Because of the war, we want more protection than before. But during it, Dumbledore had left, in his will, a special concern for it. Unfortunately, we could not contact the people he wanted us to, as he never left how. But during the summer, I, Professor Flitwick, and Professor Slughorn, have discovered the reason as to why.

"During that time, we, as well, made contact. These people are not wizards—they are _shinobi_, a great group of ninjas that we have hired to protect Hogwarts, just on case, for the year."

Whispers broke out and McGonagall had to clap her hands to gain attention again. "These ninjas are going to teach you a whole new subject—how to contact them, how to recognize them, about their dimension, and basic self-defense."

"But we already know self-defense!" shrilled a first year. "And we have dueling club!"

She has a point, thought Harry, still watching.

"In case you ever lose your wand, and if you read the club letter you would see that Dueling is on hold. However, three teachers have retired—uh, and one of them made a great sacrifice for us all. These people will fill in their place, also…"

**BOOM!**

Harry whirled around, his hand going for his wand, as the Great Hall doors flew open. Three people came in, one of them the pink-haired girl. But first, walking in like they owned the place, stood the most amazing trio he'd ever seen. Blond-haired and bright blue-eyed, six-foot-something came in, at his side dark-haired, dark-eyed, pale-skinned six-foot-something, pink-haired, green-eyed, _definitely_ a female, was at the blonde's other.

"I present you—Haruno Sakura, Herbology professor. Potions master, Uchiha Sasuke. Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Uzumaki Naruto."

Professor Haruno smiled slightly, before going to sit at her spot, Professor Uchiha sat next to her, and Professor Uzumaki, bright and smiling, sat on her left.

"I present to you—_shinobi_!"


	4. Our First Lesson is About Geography

If I owned Harry Potter and/or Naruto, I would make this an actual book.

But I DON'T own them, so I can't. But the creators are amazing, so maybe it'll hit them and they'll be all—"Hey! Why don't we do a crossover? With J.K. Rowling/Kishimoto?"

-x-

_QuotingShakespear_

_silver lone wolf_

_Deneca_

_Akatsuki Sakura Uchiha_

_Kuroda Asuka_

_puregarnet_

_Kaydreams_

_Thanks SO much for reviewing on chapter three~_

* * *

**The Trail of a Team  
**_our first lesson is about geography_

_

* * *

_

"Holy *."

"…Close your _mouth_, Ron!"

* * *

_People who are Close to Harry Potter:_

_Granger Hermione (BF)_

_Malfoy Draco (AE)  
Sakura's note: he's kinda cute. He and H.G. look cute together_

_Dobby (house elf)_

_Mc. Minerva (Prof.)_

_Keeper/Keys, Hagrid (Half giant)_

_Patil Parvarti(?)_

_Chang Cho(?)_

_Diggory Cedric(?/dead)_

_Weasley Ginny_

_Weasley Fred(?/was dead)_

_Weasley George(?)  
S.N.: He and Alicia S. totally like each other. I mean,  
not that I haven't seen them talk together "over tea" and Mer's Tea or anything._

_Weasley Bill(?)_

_Weasley Charlie(?)_

_Weasley Fleur(?)_

_Weasley Ron (BF)_

_DAMNIT! ALL WEASLEYS IN GENERAL_

_Bell Katie(?)_

_Black Sirius (Godfather/dead)_

_Seamus Finnigan(?)_

_Justin Finch-Fletchley(?)_

_Johnson Angelina(?)_

_Jordan Lee(?)_

_Krum Viktor(?)_

_Longbottom Neville(?)_

_Lovegood Luna(?)_

_Spinet Alicia(?)_

_Skeeter Rita(?)_

_Tonks Nymphadora(?)_

_Lupin Remus(?)_

_BF: BEST FRIEND  
AE: ARCH ENEMY_

* * *

Harry watched the new strangers—something, he noticed, quite a few people were doing. They looked uncomfortable, like the seats bugged them, and were whispering among themselves. Instead of eating the roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup, and mint humbugs, they were poking their bangers and mash with looks. The Bubble & Squeak was also receiving glares.

Finally Professor Haruno threw down her fork and reached for some fish and chips, her expression saying it better be good or someone was going to die. Potion Master Ucheeha and Professor Oozoomiki watched as she took a few bites and swallowed. The smile she gave them was so Veela-like Harry wondered if she ever looked like she mad in the first place.

Hesitantly, Professor Oozooma(i)ki took some Yorkshire pudding and took a bite. And then—like nothing Harry'd seen before—half the food on the table was gone. _And he was still going for more_. His mouth dropped open.

Potions Master Ucheeha gave him a disgusted look before going for the vegetable dishes, avoiding most of the meat like Professor Oozoomiki avoided anything green.

* * *

"Dobe, you're disgusting."

"At least I'm not stupid!"

"But you are."

"What'd you say?"

"Do I have to spell it out? You. Are. S—"

"Let's all calm down," said Sakura hurriedly. "Naruto, Sasuke eats meat, just not as much. Sasuke, there is a better way of saying Naruto is not very polite. So both of you stop arguing and eat your not Konoha-like food. Because if you begin Chidori-ing and Rasengan-ing each other's asses, guess who has to make up a stupid excuse and clean you up? Me." She didn't sound mad, more like impatient.

"But Sakura-chan, you won't believe it! I mean c'mon, the teme isn't even good-looking! He's all scrawny angles!"

"Shut UP Dobe."

"Both of you shut up." Sakura took a moment to compose herself before whacking them both on the heads. "Now eat."

Neither had to be told twice.

* * *

**_Harry Potter's Schedule Mon/Wed/Thu_**

_9:00—Herbology/Ravenclaw_

_10:00—Shinobi/Slytherin_

_11:00—DADA/Slytherin_

_12:00—Lunch_

_1:00—Potions/Slytherin_

_2:00—Charms/Ravenclaw_

_After School Club: Quidditch_

**_Harry Potter's Schedule Tue/Fri_**

_9:00—Potions/Hufflepuff_

_10:00—Transfiguration/Slytherin_

_11:00—DADA/Ravenclaw_

_12:00—Lunch_

_1:00—Charms/Ravenclaw_

_2:00—Shinobi/Slytherin_

_ASC: Quidditch_

* * *

The next day at breakfast Harry received his schedule. Groaning slight—_how_ many subjects did he have with Slytherins?—he looked up to the teacher's table to look for the professors again.

They were looking at their eggs and sausages with raised eyebrows before Professor Haruno stood up. She went down the stairs—attracting a lot of attention—before going up to the Slytherins. "Hello," she said pleasantly—getting the entire Great Hall's ears.

"Hi," said Blaise coolly, the person Professor Haruno stopped by at. "May I help you, Professor?"

"Yes, actually, you can! I was wondering if I could have the bowl of rice? You see, in my home…country, rice is the main course for breakfast. So I was wondering if any of you or your friends were going to need it?"

"No," he said, immediately getting the huge brown bowl without looking at anyone. "No one eats it anyway."

"Really?" she asked, astonished. "But it's so healthy! Anyway, thank you…"

"Blaise Zabini." He smiled charmingly, making a few girls sigh.

"Yes, thank you Blaise." Taking the bowl that made Zabini sweat easily, she walked back to the teacher's trio—holding the bowl _with one hand._

* * *

**_The List of Herbs that can Cure a Cough_**

_Echinacea—for the first signs of a cough, cold, or flu_

_Mullein—personal fav. and relieves chest and dry coughs_

_Elecampane—long-term basis/helpful for bronchial cough_

_Wild cherry bark—used bark to soothe annoying symptoms of cough, leaves eaten daily/drunk as tea_

_Red clover and plantain—whooping cough_

* * *

When they had to leave, Harry and his friends practically ran to Herbology—to see Professor Haruno. She was waiting already in Greenhouse 9 with a small smile as she watered the Snare. The Snare was in the family of the Devil's Snare—the only difference the fact that the Snare was smaller.

Feeling extremely dizzy, Harry made his way over to a tray with Ron asking why in the world was there the Snare? It could eat us all! Why was she smiling? Was she like a closet sadist or something? Damnit, I want to leave.

When the class was seated she smiled. "Good morning," she chanted. "My name is Professor Haruno—though it'll be nice if you can call me Sakura. After all, I _am_ only eighteen."

A Ravenclaw raised her hand. "Yes?"

"If you're eighteen then how in the world did you get to be a teacher? Do you have a license?"

"No—but then again, this isn't just any other school…what's your name?"

"Pella Palr."

"As I was saying, this isn't just any old school, Pella, as you could hopefully see. Voldemort wanted to teach DADA but he didn't have a license—and he didn't need one. If it were any other Headmaster other than Albus Dumbledore, then he would have taught…" Professor Haruno smiled at the bewildered faces.

"Now, who here is Neville Longbottom?"

Neville, shaking slightly, raised his hand. Over the war he had gotten braver—but not _that_ brave. "M-me," he stuttered.

"I've heard many good things about you Neville! Professor Sprout says you were her best student. I have high hopes for you." She smiled again, making Neville blush.

"Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let's move on. Who here can tell me what a Belladonna Berry is?"

* * *

_**Dumbledore's Army**_

_Harry Potter_

_RON W._

_Hermione Jean Granger_

_FrEd & GeOrGe WeAsLy_

_Anthony G._

_Ginny Weasley_

_Cho Chang :)_

_``~Luna Lovegood~``_

_Neville L._

_Hannah_

_B. Katie_

_SUSAN BONES_

_Terry B._

_Lavender Brown_

_M. Corner_

_Colin C._

_Dennis C._

_Justin F.F._

_M.E._

_Semaus F._

_Angelina J._

_Lee Jordan_

_ERNIE MAC._

_Padma P._

_Parvati P._

_Alicia Spinnet_

_DEAN THOMAS_

_z.s._

_

* * *

_

Naruto's first class was with the Slytherin and Hufflepuff of the fifth year. So far he amused them by telling them what can save their lives—something he made a point to the Slytherin, who had not fought in the war.

The Hufflepuffs becoming smug, they listened with rapt attention. "SO PIPSQUEAKS, tell me what my journey to fight the Melon Lord taught us?"

"Expect the unexpected!" shrilled a Hufflepuff who had blushed red whenever Naruto looked at her.

"No…I never get why people say that. It's impossible to expect the unexpected if it's unexpected. If you expect it, then it's not unexpected. But whatever. Anyone else?"

"Fight with all you got?" asked a Slytherin.

"Yes! Fight with everything you have—your determination, your will, your goals—they all affect you. Five points to the Slytherin. Now, by your age, if you try hard enough, you should be able to produce a Patrnous—don't give me that look. Harry Potter had it in the bag by third year." He rolled his eyes. "_I_ had it in the bag after my fifth try."

"So…how do you do it?" asked Hannah Abbot's second cousin.

"We'll learn about it later—right now, I want you to come up here and try to mimic the correct way to slay a Zoargoiy. They're not too hard and they have awesome saliva for making poison. WHICH WE WILL _NOT_ DO. Okay, so who wants to go first? Sydney?"

As Sydney came up she blushed mad like the Hufflepuff. Her Slytherin coat of arms shined brightly as she waved her wand and got into defensive position.

"No. Protect your chest. That's it. Now, take a step back and then take one forward again…good, and point your wand at it and shout '_Malegeria_!'"

"_Malegeria!_"

"Good. You got it. Now try to actually work the spell—your wand should turn all green like chakra and a zap would come out shaped almost like an arrow."

Naruto was amazed when Defense was taught to him. Turns out he was spectacular in it—couldn't get enough. So he asked Sakura to check out a few books for him (the Librarian creeped him out and turns out she liked Sakura only anyway) and it all made sense! He ever began to master it after a few days.

Not only that, but it was so easy to memorize it that he read more than even Sakura, who gave up trying to learn as much as him after the first day.

Wands, he thought fondly, could rival his love for the smell of ramen.

* * *

**No Talking Potion**

_Put your cauldron on high (level 9), fill with water, two millimeters of salamander spit, and add a teaspoon of gingersnap mix (mix: gingersnap, nuts, powdered dragon scales).  
__Should be tan._

_Mix until boil._

_Add a cup of rosemary and a dash of salt. __Mix until silver vapor._

_Put cauldron on low (level 4)._

_Add grapefruit leaves and powdered beetle legs._

_Mix until potion turns copper._

_Put in Horned Elk flask and set on Professor Uchiha's table._

* * *

Potions Master Uchiha wanted nothing more than to fall of the Astronomy Tower right then.

Brats. Midgets. Little annoying rugrats. The fourth-year Slytherin and Ravenclaws were getting on his nerves. The Slytherins thought they were the best because he was Head of their House. And the Ravenclaw thought they were better because they were in the smartest House.

So even thought his instructions on the board were simple, they kept arguing.

"Shut up," he finally said, making them quiet down immediately. "And because you were so disruptive I want a two-foot parchment on what you got to and what might have happened if you finished. But no one did, so I will not tolerate excuses. Dismissed."

They filed out silently, no doubt cursing his name.

* * *

_Sak,_

_I hope you got the poisoned kunai._

_Love,  
TT_

_PS, do you REALLY think Neji's gonna go out with that Nami s*?_

* * *

Sakura rested her head on the cold table, willing an oncoming headache away. "No wonder Kakashi-sensei was always late." Her mutterings were disrupted when she felt a cold hand on her shoulder.

"Sakura."

"Sasuke-kun…" she murmured. "What is it?"

"It's time for the next class."

"Tell the brats to leave."

"I meant Shinobi."

"_Iiie_!"

* * *

_Yes, thank you I have received the poisoned kunai._

_But Naruto opened my mail because he saw Hinata's name._

_So he got poisoned and I had to heal him (which was VERY easy.)_

_You are all idiots._

_Lots of love, you evil jerks,  
Sakura_

_P.S. - no, I do not think Neji's going to go out with the Nami s*._

_But if he is, do plan If Neji's Going Out With Some S* That Isn't Tenten (not that she's a s*)._

_Ask Ino._

* * *

The class filed in silently, their eyes huge. It was the seventh-year Slytherins and Gryffindors, all watching warily as they sat down on normal desks in a normal classroom, with a nice view of Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures. Currently, a second-year was running after a unicorn.

All was quiet until—

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto and I'm your sensei! I'm going to be the next Hokage too, so you better—"

"Professor Naruto?"

"—it's Naruto-SENSEI you brats!" he shouted. "In Konoha we don't have a professor! We have a sensei!—"

"Or a shishou," interrupted Sakura. "Now be quiet Naruto. My name is Sakura Haruno, and here I am known as Sakura-san."

Sasuke didn't say anything, but he shrugged and went back to drawing something on the board.

"Okay, so just for today and on special days will we all be here at once." Sakura took things in her own hands. "You will learn about geography, contact info, basic self-defense, and maybe a few words in Japanese."

Naruto grinned cheekily. "You'll also learn about the Hokage's position, and if Sakura-chan can, she'll make the old bat come here for a visit. Wait. Never mind. You _really_ don't want to meet her."

"Naruto," hissed Sakura. "Never mind him. But for our first lesson you have to copy down this."

Sasuke moved out of they way—on the blackboard was a perfect copy of the Fire Country, the Water, the Earth, the Wind, and the Lightening. "This," he said quietly, "is our land."


End file.
